Gabby’s Paradise

Today, I feel happy. Its my birthday and it is the third year I will be celebrating it in Singapore. During my first birthday when I was fresh off the boat back in 2007, I remember feeeling very lonely as if I were the loneliest man in the world. It was the first time that I didn’t spend it with my family and the feeling of isolation and dettachment from all you hold dear was evident in my thoughts. Last year went by my memory without any remembrance of what I did and who greeted me. I just knew it passed with less feelings of isolation.

Today, with the aid of facebook, those who are the least persons I will expect a greeting from are the ones who actually said those kind words of celebration. I would think it is because of the birthday reminder that you can conveniently see in one corner but still, the simple words of saying “Happy Birthday” to someone in itself the important thing. In a world where everything is easy and sms, email, a phone call and a comment has different levels of personal meaning, it was still with great comfort reading those words.

For this year, I wish for myself (and for the people around me) that I will be a kinder person. As my friend Chinno made me realize, the world does not revolve  around ME. I am not the center of the universe and there will always have genuine acts of friendship and kindness. Its not always about what I want and what I think.  I need to build more links to other people not just because I need to do so but because, it is an act itself that doesn’t need to have reason but it shows the magnanimity of the heart.

I also want to be more open to teachings of others. I have this notion that all my success comes from my own persistence and the pure work of my hands. I want to lessen that thinking. There is a divine hand somewhere in the picture. I have yet to reconcile my place in my spiritual life, as I once thought I had but I am becoming more open to the idea that what I know actually lacks depth. There are others who are more into the spiritual search than I am. Getting involved with the Free Community Church made me see that I am not perfect with my thinking. It is true that the Christian Church has some concepts that will not be applicable for me but I want to explore it with an open mind and heart. I can make mistakes in this spirtual quest and start over. It is a part of learning which will only result in knowing myself  further.

I do not think that I will be a hardcore evangelist but I think that by being open to others, I will get to see what I really think is important and realize my own truths. Faith is not just believing but it is laying down the rational mind and experiencing something unexplainable. May I be willing to go beyond my limits and experience a side of me that I thought didn’t exist.

I would also want to experience the value of passion and desire. I wish that I will not just choose the convenient way but the way that my heart tells me to follow. I wish to live today but aspire for better things in the future and remember the lessons of the past. The right things come at the right time and I believe that all issues will have its own resolution at the right moment. May I be filled with the essence of living. Smiling, being alive, dreaming, being contented, living with passion, be young at heart,  being kind, generous, compassionate and loving.

May this poem serve as a reminder for me in the years to come:

Happiness Is A Journey ~by Father Alfred D’Souza

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Dance as though no one is watching you.
Love as though you have never been hurt before.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Live as though heaven is on earth.
~~~
For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin — real life.
But there was always some obstacle in the way,
something to be gotten through first,
some unfinished business,
time still to be served, a debt to be paid.
At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness.
Happiness is the way.
So treasure every moment you have and remember that
time waits for no one.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Today I met one of my old time friend, Greg from Manila in a mall in Orchard road. I haven’t seen him in a while not because we didn’t have the time but I have a feeling that we had a falling out of some sort. When he was ‘fresh off the boat’ from Manila, I was being the super helpful friend to give him the best tips to know the best places, meet the best people, etc. but he wanted to do things his own way. Well, in the end I was not able to help him a lot but thankfully, he found his own way of understanding Singapore. He has been here since early of this year but since that time, we’ve only met twice. This is the second time. While I was talking to Greg, I found it quite intriguing that most of the time we could not look directly at each other because of some unexplained discomfort. Its like talking to someone you had a bad history with and just wanted to get things over and done with. I found it a very unusual conversation like I was constantly in the urge of thinking what I should talk about - typically not the case with good friends.

I was surprised that he has become a home buddy and he doesn’t go out that much, as I once knew him. He has become more tame in his spending while I have become more of a spender than I previously was. He was letting things flow while I was harnessing the elements as I move along the path of life, and with so many other things that I noticed, it seemed to me that Greg and I had now come to a point of bi-polar differences. I found it very surprising, in a way that made me think what ever happened to the friend I knew.

* * * * * *

As I was wondering, another incident flashed through my mind while I was on my way home. I remember when I was in the University, I was eager for life. With this eagerness came the desire for love well. If you knew me back then, I must think you would know that I had my fair share of those kind. I remember that I loved one person intensely at that time. Just one that really made my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. And boy, was I intense. Seemingly, as I look back at that time, I knew what love really meant and how I should live my life. There was this constant excitement, a constant anticipation of every morning at that time when I was in love. Simple hugs meant eternal happiness and the first kiss will forever be etched in my mind.

A perfected move of grace

At present, I know now how smiles can have charming effects and honest but well thought of wording can give anyone a blush. I know now of the power of imagery, the power of movement and the effects of intensity to people. Love is slowly becoming more of a practiced waltz, where movements of the other, I will answer with a perfect grip of the hips and a steady hand to guide the next move. I am getting to know this dance well. But knowing this dance I suddenly ask myself what ever happened to sheer excitement? What ever happened to the unpredictability of the unknown step and that graceful fall to the floor when we trip at our own misstep?

* * * * * *

As we mature, we realize that there are things in life that will supercede what we believed in when we were younger. Friends will never be the same people because we follow different paths and our minds will work in a different way in the infinitesimal different permutations of choice and experiences. Love will not always be what we imagined it to be and a lot of people live half empty or half full lives depending on the observer. Only a few will become perfectly happy in their lives. Some people just settle to a life of almost happiness and give up childhood dreams to live in the real world.

We do get older. Wiser, I don’t know but more adept and practiced to life, indeed we do. We can never go back to the past where life is seen with new eyes and friendship is a pact written in stone. Ideal love will soon be as it is - an abstract concept that can never really be achieved but we make the best out of what we have.

Biting the apple to knowledge and awakening to shame

This is a sad blog. To realize that idealism becomes blurrry when you get older is a scary thought. It will not just be about love and friendship but in so many aspects of our lives, we will realize things that will crumble our ideas of perfection and we suddeny open our eyes and see that life is like that. Its real. I guess I should end this one not with hope, because it defeats the purpose of the blog but with a certain amount of embarassment like the one that adam and eve got when they ate the apple in the garden of eve. I am ashamed that no optimism is in me tonight and even though most of the time I am high spirited in the end, I have a certain gloom that life will have lots of moments that I will have to accept imperfection and settle to just saying, “Thats how it is.”

Do I really have to settle for that?

I am again in that state of introspection, a time when my mind is connecting the electric pulses and is ready to explode with feelings and thought.

Today is a day of memory. A year ago, i stepped out of a plane from Manila, age 21 and braving a new world. Without anything to hold on to but a work approval from a landscape design company, I set forth this new life. I have promised to wash away my overly workaholic self and replacing it with a breath of life. I have awakened to a new kind of thinking; not anymore seeing success as a scholarly or of a professional matter but more of a life matter. I have a balanced life now which I divide to work, friends, loved ones, and of course, myself with the increasing priority from the first to the latter. Probably, I am becoming a new age guy and I have this new zest for life living with the guiding principle of Carpe Diem.

For the past year, I have traveled to four different countries outside Singapore which had its highlight in my trip to Hanoi, Vietnam. Some places like Malaysia and Indonesia are quite near but still a treat on its own.  They offer me slightly different feelings and I realize that each place is unique and one cannot judge too easily because of culture. China tested my skills to non-verbal communication  while it proved the point that a smile is the way to charm the hearts of people.

I have met new friends - Filipinos, Singaporeans, Westerners and Asians who have changed my perspective on things. We need to respect each other and see where another person is coming from before we judge. There are so many other beliefs and cultures here, no one is always right or wrong. I’ve lost a long time friend for some reason unknown to me, 10 years, gone in a blink. I am best buddies with one of my former lecturers in U.P. She is now a colleague of mine and we hang out and enjoy each others company as much as possible.

I developed a liking in sporting activities like kayaking in reservoirs,
biking in the rough terrain of Pulau Ubin, started playing tennis again, jogging once in
a while and other adventure activities. I’m planning to even do dragon
boating, wall climbing, and if its nice - wake boarding. I have to get
my skills back in tennis and play more badminton, do more extensive
work outs in the gym, yoga and body pump. I want to have a very active
lifestyle to keep myself going and staying fit.

I learned that yoga does a lot of good things for the mind and body. It
is not merely stretching one’s bones and muscles but it promotes better
eating habits, proper posture, a calm state of mind and a very high
level of concentration. It has become a 3x a week routine for me that
provides me peace every time I do it. Although its origins are from
Hindu beliefs, it provides a powerful tool for self awakening and a
more spiritual thought.

I learned that work should not define who you are but it only becomes a
part of what you do. Life gave us more time  to do a lot of things to
define what kind of person we are and what we want to do, it should not be
the thing that controls our lives. Work efficiently is the key here and
life can have great moment with friends in special places and not just
inside the work place.

I learned that my family is still my ultimate support group. Even without them at my side they are still my constant inspiration. My dad is now managing our farm in the province, my mom had a very successful medical operation, my eldest sister is finding out once again the meaning of love, my second sister is braving a new world in Jersey and my brother is soon pursuing his dream course. They are in my daily thoughts and I contact them at least once a week.  My mom has gone high-tech messaging me in YM if she has some thoughts. Two of my siblings have been here to Singapore and my parents are coming soon too.

I learned that love needs to transcend cultural boundaries and one must see a broader perspective to go beyond personal conventions. It is removing the walls and seeing yourself in a different eye. By accepting that we are whole in the beginning and that there is no missing piece, we understand that the person who will love us most need be someone else but the person within. Another person is just another entity where there will be some meeting of minds. Never loose identity but love with great intensity. Balance should be kept.

I learned that life in general, is not in a hurry. We are here to experience every moment and we should feel it with great intensity. I made the mistake of taking it too fast. It had its good points but I forgot to live. So now, I take it  a day at a time, still planning my life but not to the extent that I miss the present. By having such a thought I begin to feel a certain lightness. I am young. I must cherish it and the whole world opens to me like a lotus flower.

Life does seem beautiful these days.

Dear  KL,

When I opened my eyes this morning, it is the first time in a long while that I didn’t think of you. It is a liberating moment where my mind is not enslaved by your presence and that I am reborn to a new mindset. It seems that I completely lost all myself to you giving in to this intensity of a raw heart. Maybe its because of my young age, maybe because of personal beliefs of idealism or maybe because it is the fundamental of my life - to search for meaning, to live with passion and to feel the whole spectrum of emotions which you found too much for you to handle. I cannot blame you nor myself for it because we really come from different backgrounds. The thing is, I was more willing to go beyond this hurdle than you. Your mind wasn’t willing to jump.

What I know about myself is this, I am that guy who may be too rigid at work, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I soar to the sky and falter and crash face first in the ground. It is my belief that life offers us great moments; not always good ones but those that intensify our value formation and makes us define this rock of character until we reach a state of smooth marble. I know for a fact that I am a newly weathered rock thrown in a gushing waterfall. I am still very sharp and full of rough corners. I cannot force myself to become a smoother stone because only the waters of life can do that to me. If you ever did or will again love me, you must accept this fact and you place yourself beside me, you a smoother stone willing to get scratched and we face the same force of water. We face it head on.

Thank you for giving me a piece of life - good and bad moments. Once we were sitting side by side, now the waters may eventually give us a gap. All the same, we are in the same river, and we experience the same waters and I will now let the forces of nature take control of our proximity to one another. Let it be known that there was a tangential moment that we collided and i lost a big chip of my own self.  It was lost with meaning and in the end this missing piece will smoothen and become beautiful.

A few weeks ago, I went to China for a business trip with my
boss. It was my first trip outside of Singapore and as any excited
traveler, I felt the need to synthesize my feelings and make this blog.

Things I realized on my China Trip:

Singapore Airlines is really a very nice flight
carrier. I watched 3 films in my 5 hour flight, had some Singapore Sling and
heard Pavarotti’s singing. Free plugging for the company.

Shanghai has too much concrete. I have never seen so much above ground freeways
(flyovers) in my life. In a country so big, they really had to do it.

First experience of autumn: It is cold. (Well,
yeah!) The climate: like air conditioning reversed. Inside the building its warm, outside it’s quite cold. 16 degrees celsius

· There were so many high rise housing as
portrayed on the news but it looks dilapidated compared to Singapore

. Metal corroding, I felt
the urban blight amidst Shanghai’s
seeming cosmopolitan flair.

· A tower is rising in Shanghai:Shanghai World Financial Center -The second tallest building in the world after Taipei 101.

· Chinese restaurant food felt like it had a
certain ceremony. I had to observe my boss and all the guys there for proper
etiquette. The round table, I now get. The Chinese toasting is ceremonial in the
end. Tea has to be always full. Tea is a staple. Chopsticks and Chinese table
setting was a bit tricky but after 10 meals in China, I got the hang of it.

· It is intensely frustrating not too understand
the conversation because it was all in Mandarin. I have to use intuition and read body
language to get a vague idea o
f the discussion. After a while I realized that I
became my boss’s invisible friend, only talking when she looks me in the eye
and speaks English.

Suzhou is a land that revolves around the river. The town is connected to the river,
it is not just a dumping ground but a whole community relies on it. Suzhou is a charming place, slow and serene.

· I was fortunate enough to be booked in the heart
of the old city of
Nanjing.
It felt so vibrant, think Intramuros charm but in a very Chinatown kinda way

· A lot of things were going on. The bikes! The
taxi rudeness, the clutter. Its like
Manila,
colder, all Chinese, more bikes, more sweaters, more weird hairdo

· Autumn has its charm. Yellow Orange leaves, winter fashion, the China tiangge is like anywhere else. The old city is a combination of old imperial
fortresses and commercial restaurants intertwine itself.

· I was tempted to buy tickets for the Beijing Olympic ticketing
booth, buying souvenirs for the Olympics 10 pesos each. I negotiated in half baked
Singlish accent English, smiles and waves.

· Everything is cheaper in China (in comparison to Singapore). I bought an authentic
leather jacket for S$40. It was a good buy that I can even use even if I am in Manila or Singapore

I realize that every place has its own charm and
different places have different characters which makes them incomparable to one
another. We can only compare bits and pieces of a place but for a whole
experience, there really is no better or worse.

· I want to go again to China to see the best places and
experience the culture. They have an enigmatic charm because they are so
different from what my culture is. Although probably next time I will learn a
bit more Mandarin and go there not for business but for leisure. See you again China!

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As part of my newly found freedom from weekend work discussed in my last blog, I started to define what I loved doing to make my life more exciting here in Singapore. Here there are five major things that people do here after work - gym, movies, shop, sports and travel. My Singaporean friend told me the Chinese term for a  specific group of people who loves doing some special sor
t of thing  is “Pai” (pronounced as pie) meaning “type”. As I realize, I am a what she calls an Adventure/Sporty Pai.

A month or so ago, I was with my friend Katre (I call her Katrina  now - It  seems that Singaporeans would rather call you in your formal name rather than your nick name) and we went Kayaking at Macritchie Reservoir to kayak. It was quite a nice experience to try it out costing $10 per kayak for two, we raced among her church mates in the allowable kayaking part of the reservoir. As any group would do in a sporty activity, we raced to and fro. It was a fun activity but I must say the vests were kinda icky smelling. Its the oniony smell that all of us know some people excrete. Medyo mabaho talaga sila dito lalo na yung mga Indian.

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We had our next sporty adventure two weeks ago in Pulau Ubin, a small island of Singapore that is already near Malaysia. You will actually get the Malaysian  signal in your handphone when you reach the place by ferry.  Pulau Ubin is a place where people go for biking. My friends, this
is not Quezon Memorial Circle I am talking
about. It has quite difficult terrain with slopes, bridges and forest
trails. Old village type houses that you wont see in the main island of Singapore is seen here. (Think of a baranggay in Laguna complete with vegetable patch and wood and plywood construction) There  are quarries that you can go to and a coral reefs place at south eastern tip of the island. The coral reefs area is what they call Chek Jawa Wetlands which has a view of Malaysia and corals are actually seen there during low tide. A mangrove forest is also in the place. Quite a worth while place to go but very very difficult to go to. You will really have to test yourself for endurance because the forest trails had a lot of different uphill and downhill slopes. Cost of ferry from Changi Village is S$2 one way and the bike rentals are around S$6 to S$10.

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Finally, last Thursday during the celebration of the Deepavali holiday (The Indian Festival of Lights), me  and some of my colleagues went to Forest Adventure in
Bedok Reservoir. It was a ropes course with zip lines and obstacle suspended a few meters above ground. It had a grand course that 4 main stations and it also had a kid’s course. It will take you 1.5 to 2 hours to finish the adult course. I felt my body stretch after the finishing the grand course but i was smiling the whole time because it was so fun to do especially with groups. As I told my Japanese colleague, “Hiroto, you can shout if you wanted to. We are allowed to do that here.” The only thing he could muster was a “Haammph” said in a very conservative manner. This wasn’t so cheap though - S$25 for adults for the grand course.

For my next adventure, I still haven’t planned yet but I’m pretty sure there are more to come. Would bunggie jumping  or sky diving be a good  idea?  I heard that  it was offered in Malaysia. =)

Sometimes, I stop to think. Sometimes, I stop to remember but most of the times it is just a routine of day to day activities that translate to weeks that eventually become months and years. This is life, bound by the finite borders of time. As Kyle would say it in the series “Kyle XY” at Channel 5 here in Singapore, we need time to define our lives. There is schedule for everything, a structure in how we live. It seems that we cannot escape time because our lives depended on it.

Time is something I feel here in Singapore. It is something that I notice maybe because I was deprived of it for the longest time. I was a busy bee since elementary to college and even when I was in my previous work in Manila. I always made it a point to do many things at once, like a circus juggler who would balance so many things in a day. Project deadlines, sporting activities, family time, social gatherings, etc. I had a lot of things I planned for a day because there was so much to be done. I even remember that I wanted to have more hours in a day just to finish all my plans.

Now that my days are becoming less of a discovery and more of a routine, I miss the rush, I miss the juggling. Now i know what I need to do, i do it and I still have the spare time to day dream of what I would buy when my monthly salary comes along or check my friendster everyday, check out the news in the morning and watch all the telenovelas tfc would barf out of its screen.

Maybe it really is how life should be, the time can be filled with other activities and that days arent jam packed with minute things that needs to be done within the day. We are entitled to relax and concentrate in what we are doing.  We wake up and sleep soundly not worrying that life is too short or the time cannot be extended. In a sadistic kind of way, I miss the rush but I guess, now the challenge for me is to fill that gaps that were before always full. To fill it not with chores and work but with other experiences that are worth remembering and makes life worth living.

Today, I did just that.

I only had half a day of schedule - a seminar of designer liabilities and limitations in Chinatown. Then after lunch, nothing. So what I did was to walk… and soon I realized that today is the start of the mooncake festival, one of those important celebrations in the Chinese calendar that dates back to Zhou dynasty. There was a presentation in Chinatown and all of a sudden,  I became part of the celebration. Although much of the program was in mandarin, I still enjoyed it. There was even this Korean girl who was talking to a local and inquiring about the festival. I just evesdropped to their conversation and found some new information.

Away from friends and family, I realize that I have a lot of time for myself and that I will have to start a new, doing a different routine that I would never do back in Manila. I go to the library now. I go to museums and parks. I shop online and discover new things just by walking. Singapore is teaching me that. Soon enough, I will create a new way of spending my time but right now, it really has a lot of blank spaces. I now enjoy just looking in the air and really doing nothing but thats okay, life should have those moments. Live. Breathe.

It is my 2nd week here in Singapore and I am settling in pretty well.Ive gotten more adventurous with commuting on the bus and the mrt. Because of my in-born GPS i find it easy to navigate. My mantra, look at the bus station, try to familiarize yourself to the landmarks, have a general idea of where you will go to and you wont be lost. If you do, then just cross the street and ride the bus to where you came from or go to the nearest mrt and travel back home. If you really are lost, then grab a taxi, im sure they’ll know where you need to go. Kailangan lang isanay mo ang leeg mo na tumingin muna sa kanan bago sa kaliwa pag tatawid. My head always plays Beyonze’s song pero iba ang lyrics. Instead of “to the left, to the left ….” napapakanta ako ng “to the right, to the right….”

The food here is very different from Filipino food but its always exciting to try something new. For example, they have here “Sea food fried rice” - very oily fried rice tossed in with shrimps and fish. Its enough for two persons at di mo na kailangan ng ulam. Sobrang nakakabusog, paginubos mo for lunch, pretty sure you’ll get sleepy during the afternoon. Ang sawsawan nila dito ay parang variation ng patis. Its less salty though and they add red or green chili that is tolerably spicy.  Mahilig rin sila sa curry at may turo turo din sila which costs about Sgd2.50 - Sgd4 depending on what you buy at kung gano kadami. Busog ka na sa Sgd4. Sgd1.10 ang canned drinks. Mura na dito yun.

When it comes to talking to people, Im beginning to get used to the language, i hear the locals talking and although their english is very much differently accented than filipino english (ours is so much better sounding) the language barrier is slowly breaking. Pero syempre, english lang ang naiintindihan ko, people they always have a secondary language, either malay, chinese, tamil or whatever nation they came from. Maraming chinese na matatanda ang di nageenglish. Yun ang mahirap sa tindahan. Turo turo na lang. You will hear a lot of Pinoys here and of course pagnaguusap na, tagalog na lang. Its best here to talk in tagalog when youre with your country men so other people wont evesdrop in your conversation. I had this experience yesterday, inis na inis ako sa officemate kong thai, he kept on saying that i should do this and that and he didnt even do a thing so i told my pinay officemate while the three of us were in the elevator, “tatadyakan ko na to ah. ang kulet. ayaw naman magtrabaho utos lang ng utos.” all those words were said in a very gentle voice and without facial expression so he wont notice. Thats the good thing about being in another country, you really get to appreciate the presence of other pinoys kahit kakilala mo o hindi and you will enjoy conversing in tagalog.

My landscape firm here is just like the one in Manila. Same thing goes on, same process but they have one more thing that we didnt have. Ang daming discussions sa design. 30 percent of the time is delegated for the synthesis of the design and the exploration of new ideas. As one of the senior thais told me, here, its all about strong design style. Modern design ideas is the trend and tropical design is already passe. Tinawanan nga ko ni ungas nung nagtropical design ako. Luma na daw.

What i realize now is that there are really some joys and some hardships when you go out of the country but the way i see it, there is always something left to be discovered and realized. I wake up each morning thinking about how blessed my life is. I was given an opportunity to experience another country at such a young age but my heart always burns with that Filipino blood.

I stay here exploring, finding the meaning of my existence. Im learning new things and defining myself but always, at the back of my mind is the idea that I belong to Manila and this is just my phase of learning and discovery.

To my family, friends and all those who love and care for me, I wanna say I’m safe. Dont worry about me coz Im doing ok and Im still that same person which probably has more “lah” “leh” and “meh” in my vocabulary when i get back. Mwah!

For most of us who has lived in Manila for the longest time possible and has had no experience whatsoever of the world outside the country, going out for vacation becomes a surprise. My friends had only one word to describe what i wanted to do when I told them of my Singapore trip: “Sosssssyal!”

Disclaimer: Its not as expensive as you think it is.

I went there because a friend of mine, Lino was celebrating his birthday. The plan was, I and my dear friend Eugene, will stay at their place until the labor day holiday. I booked my ticket which cost me an arm (not too much of the leg though) with the promise of free accommodation and bountiful food. My agenda: to immense myself in the culture of Singapore, to feel the vibe, to see the sights and as a personal quest i also had one more thing in mind, to see the possibility of working there.

I was not disappointed in any aspect.

Singapore has been rated as the most business-friendly economy in the world, with thousands of foreign expatriates working in multi-national companies. Filipinos, although not the biggest minority group is still very prominent in Singapore. Many of which serve as domestic helpers and engineers. It is a country that thrives in diversity and tolerance

When i went there, that was the first time i felt different, the first time i felt i had a dialect (i’m tagalog so i have no other dialect i can speak) and it was comforting to know that I was unique. “Pilipino pala talaga ako.” I also realized then that we Filipinos are very good looking. Ang papangit ng mga locals! We are blessed with great skin, our facial features have that mix of chinese, malay and spanish blood. We are good with english, we are happy people and we smile a lot. In short, bentang benta ang mga pinoy sa Singapore!

As a design professional, I also saw the smaller details that made Singapore what it is. The have attention to detail, from artworks at every mrt station, to building facades that exude elegance and style, to landscapes that vividly defines the garden city. Singapore truly is a wealthy country. This Metro Manila sized country is undoubtedly planned. Every aspect of modern day living, thought of and every psychological trick to make you materialistic, planned for. It embodies the cosmopolitan lifestyle where being single and rich is the height of prowess and success. As my first experience outside the country, i got to have a feeling that my head was in an overload of information, ideas of design came into my mind and the question of “why didn’t think of that?” or “why dont we have that back home?” We have the talented people to do it, we have skilled (although quite gahaman)  contractors who can execute it. i guess it all boils down to the country itself. We cannot do it because it is expensive to do it. We are a poorer country. Plain and simple.

In my five days stay, I had a feeling that there was a lurking indescribable haze that envelopes all: It is the spirit of the working man. For those who leave the country and go to other countries for work, what we see is that determination to succeed, to go for overtime and to be efficient indiviuals in the market driven society. Filipinos thrive in this environment with one more “umph” that separates us from most other foreign workers. We are happy people.

In Lino’s birthday I got introduced to a local. His name is Joseph, a half Singaporean, half Taiwanese guy who is working for an ad agency. He was invited by his Filipino friend, JP. Although very much out of place in an all-Filipino crowd, it seemed that he was quite at home. As he described, we Filipinos are very happy people, we laugh a lot, and socialize a lot, we are open to our feelings and we have great food. He liked the embotido that was served in the party. All well said. That is a very Filipino trait.

So beyond all the images that i gathered, beyond all the ideas that i devoured and beyond every experience that i encountered in my five day stay outside my homeland, there is one big realization that i felt. I am happy being Filipino. I am happy to (soon)  be part of this global phenomenon that is the diaspora of great minds. Spreading the news of our existence as a race of good natured, hard working men who knows how to sing and knows the value of staying together and chatting on sundays and holidays, Quiapo style. Wherever you are, as long as you hear a Filipino voice, you know you are part of family and we are just one global community, striving to keep our families well fed and our dreams intact. So i guess what I’m trying to drive at here is that even though I went out to experience another culture, what I experienced more is the value of my own, and that is worth any experience.

This holy week, far from our family’s traditional routine to go to nueva ecija to mingle with family and to catch up with the latest buzz in the local elections, i decided to take a four day trip to one of the summer meccas in the Philippines: Puerto Galera.

I went there last year in a different beach adjacent to the ever so popular Whit
e
Beach but as my friends and i planned it, we only have three things in our agenda:

1. get a good dose of tan;

2. drink and party all night, and

3. just get freaking happy.

Yes, after four days i actually achieved it all. i forgot about work and money budgeting coz there was no point in doing so, everything there is expensive anyway.

so there i was, enjoying those four days without being guilty about it. i would not  tell you about how fun it was or how dark i got, thats all so easy to tell. its puerto galera. No need for explanations. What i will tell you is what i realized, my eureka moment when i was there.

The last night of our seemingly endless journey, i, wanting a moment alone, went out of our room to go to the beach. Slowly, i walked, half dreamingly, savoring the moment of ease and relaxation. I sat down in the sand, looked at the horizon and saw the setting sun. Although everything around me had the vibrancy  of the summer vacation and and everyone was enjoying the last few minutes of swimming before darkness, i on the other hand,  was put in a trance of peace like what happens when you mute the television when it became so noisy. I opened my cellphone, went to my song book and listened to “Calling All Angels” (a song that people play during death ceremonies). Everything became so quiet and people started to slow down like some music video in black and white. I felt a certain kind of spiritual trance.

Beyond the moments of booze and fun i remembered that the next day was easter. “Pasko ng Pagkabuhay” as we say in tagalog. As it was said in the PDI, the night before easter is the holiest of nights, i guess that was what I felt at that moment too. It seems that i have replaced contemplation with enjoyment but all the same, i derived my holy week realization.

My life has fast changed over the year that i have been working. If you know me you would know that something has changed in me. Being serious has become my norm. Being a drone of the corporate world, responsible, efficient workaholic. The life that i led when i was younger, the small part of me that i thought was youthful, it has trickled into nothingness and i am left with a dry self. I have to regain my youth.

I don’t want to drift in this world and never really understand what it is to be young and to make mistakes and to remember happy times of sheer stupidity and fun. At the moment of realization, i grabbed the sand between my fingers and realized that old saying that the more you grip the sand in your hands the faster it is trickle, the trick is not grip it but to open your palm and just hold it, removing your desperation it stays in your hands longer.

I made a wish, a prayer asking guidance for my life. i realized that i needed this time, unconventional for my family for a holy week but all the same, a spiritual journey. It became apparent that there was something deeply wrong with what i have programmed myself to do. I wanted to grow older at such an alarming rate and i’m seeing bad signs of what it has produced.

I prayed not for success anymore but for simpler things, for happy moments, for laughs and for childish curiosity to life. I prayed for slow unraveling of truth, and intense appreciation of beauty and the meaning of experience.

By the time the sun reached the horizon, i closed my eyes, opened my palms to retain the sand that i had in my palm  and i increased the volume of my music.

I found peace.